- Lake cleaner
To our sensitive Western noses every town and village smelt bad. It's very hot, sanitation is rudimentary and often non-existent and animal and vegetable waste matter are often left to rot in the sun. The locals acclimate to this, but in one community the shallow lake in the centre of town became so putrid, polluted and evil that it even smelled offensive to the citizens who are accustomed to some pretty bad odors. (A hotel owner told us, "To call this a bad town would be a compliment.")
The solution was to dredge the lake, and this was accomplished by creating a human chain standing almost shoulder to shoulder passing wicker baskets fire-brigade style to empty the lake. The men worked many hours a day under the blazing sun, waist deep to almost neck deep at times in the rank, sepia slime of excrement and mystery ingredients.
Drawbacks: Too numerous to mention.
Benefits: A tiny wage, and presumably the disgusting job will end when the lake is dredged.
- Crap Patty Maker
As the buffalo go through town, you join the race with a number of other locals to grab a steamy, warm pile of buffalo dung. Having won this prize, (to me this would be a good race to lose), you blend it with straw and wood chips to create crap patties. These are then laid out for drying.
Drawbacks: No pay and often working up to your elbows in buffalo dung.
Benefits: You are able to create a fuel source for cooking which inevitably imparts a familiar flavor to the food - think of the opposite of honey smoked.
- Gravel Maker
The morning is spent walking back and forth from the streambed to the roadside (approx. 1km) carrying big rocks in a basket strapped to your head. You then squat down by your rock pile with a hammer and chip the rocks into gravel. You work in a multi-sensory environment with the heat of the sun, the smell of the diesel fumes and the ear shattering sound of air horns from the decorated trucks that speed by.
Drawbacks: Inadequate tools to do work traditionally done by prisoners in the Western World. ("Breaking rocks in the hot sun, I fought the law and the law won.") Twenty miles down the road an entrepreneur now has a gravel-making machine with an output a thousand times greater than yours, driving down the price of gravel and eroding your tiny income.
Benefits: Excellent aerobic and upper body work hoisting and carrying rock. No need to join Curves.
- Asphalt Carriers
This is an uncomplicated, nasty job. All you have to do is carry a leaky bucket of hot tar on your head from the truck to the work site, hundreds of times a day. It has the usual attributes of the 5 worst jobs; it's hot, smelly and pays very little.
Drawbacks: See above.
Benefits: No need for styling gel as the tar can weld your hair into permanent dreadlocks.
- Funeral Worker
A day in the life of a funeral worker lacks the decorum you might see in "Six Feet Under". The morning is spent dragging and carrying huge timbers for the funeral pyre. You need a big enough conflagration to handle 5 or 6 bodies at a time. Sensory stimulation includes the smell of burning flesh and crying and wailing of family who sometimes hit you in their grief.
After the cremation you sweep the ashes into the ash/water pits on the edge of the Ganges.
Drawbacks: Your skills often go unappreciated by the mourning families and there is no payment.
Benefits: You get to stand waist deep in the human ash/water and pan for gold or other valuables from the remains of your clients. This is how you earn your living.
So are you still 'stressed out' because the air conditioning isn't working or there's construction going on next door? Just do a job exchange with an Indian laborer and your problems will be solved.
After crossing India, the path tilted uphill as we approached Everest. Unlike the "tourists" who pay 60 grand to be helicoptered in and guided to the summit, Ian was going with just one Sherpa and no oxygen in his one-man quest to the Top of the World. My role was support and to be the chef at base camp. Why not try these Everest favorites.
Our most popular dessert was 'Into Thin Pear', but we'll save that for another issue of 'Well'.
On trips like this you invariably come up with phrases to keep you going. Two of mine, which achieved a mantra-like status in my mind were:
